Smooth is the word which can never be used as adjective to describe my past 28 years. It has always been a roller coaster ride where I have seen more troughs than highs. Though this might not be visible to many as I perfected the art of cloaking my sorrow,putting on the plastic smile on my lips. But there is a limit to everything.
Now the inevitable is happening, I am breaking down, I can no longer carry the burden of numerous masks which people demand me to put on always. They need to be peeled off, though it might give pain but handling pain comes to me as swimming to fishes.
I keep on wondering whether I need to face this, am I destined for this or it is my creation ? Or is it the holy pyre that is needed for transfiguration ? Anyway, every passing moment when you struggle, either makes you stronger or teaches you how to handle failure (and even this ultimately make you stronger only). So the more you struggle, the stronger you become. But what to do, when you do not want to get stronger, there is no desire to be so, I do not wish to resist (which is the cause of struggle) I want to surrender or I should rather say I surrendered, but even then I am struggling. Probably this is to remind me that all the wisdome and all your wishes are nothing but a mere amusement for the almighty. Almighty loves playing games.
So what is next? Oh.. the same stupid thought. Planning future.. as if I have control over it. Almighty must be laughing, how foolish are these mortals, they plan as if they are God, they plan for months and years.. and then do not know of the next moment.
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